Swim

I always saw you
Even you were hidden from your own self
Now I wonder if I'm good enough
Good enough now to touch you

I fear that you will see me trying
Trying to be the person I'm not sure of


This is all I have
I'm scared it will never be enough

That I will try and try and you will always know

and that maybe you won't stay

you'll see through me

then it will be over

So there it is
my hands are up
Now you know my secret that I feel like nothing
that I don't deserve nice things
that I have so many problems


That when I stop swimming










I sink

Spinning

Why do I go on hurting you?
I go around and round
Until its only pain
moving through
Why don't I go away?
Disappear?
I I stay I know
the end.
It's dangerous.
Love.
I must accept
Then Endure.
I think that my heart won't beat
My breath will cease
But here is the cruel fact:
The one I want to avoid:
Everything will be the same
except for you
and me.

She said He said

I wonder if you tell me the truth
Those eye could never lie?

I stop to think then I set the thought away



It is the only way to stop the pain?
Things unchanged by time
You never knew
I buried them, hid them
Or you never listened to what I was saying

I tried to tell you through others
They could listen to your failures
They could easily agree

moving through mouths
instantly removing admiration
Leaving the stench of doubt
Our slow and painful dissipation


No one can HEAR any more


Inside my heart lies every answer
Inside yours the same
But each too busy to listen
too steeped in pride to change

And you might say to yourself "What sad souls"
Beware that is a ready sign
the soul you judge is yours

Self Hate

The threat must stop
Do nothing
never react
inside
inside
inside
paint all the walls

Look outside
See those
chipped
broken
worthless
No one would ever
Know
What lurks behind

Never sit; Kill those roses
DO DO DO
hide the roof
hide the porch
Never revel to the door

Cover it with a sheet
Blank
All is white
but never deep as snow