Broken Heart

I heard the beat
it was louder
I could hear it clearer
away from those steal bars
where the beautiful white swallow lived

He was beautiful
but loved
cold hard steal
more then anything else


So I could not take him with me

I rested on a branch for awhile
wrestling with the thought of
going back
speaking sense in him
making him come with me
But I knew I could not
make him do what he did not wish
I could not drag him
His weight would crush my
heart

O, Beautiful creature
how I long to fly with you still
upon the golden sunset of anyday

His beat was so much different from
the one I heard

The one I heard called me in a different way
Like the ocean calling the rivers

I to choose
I picked the unseen
unknown
unfamiliar
I decided to go on
much slower
with less resolve
I Flew the highest I could
to get away from the memories
of those bars

Then I saw a flash
Glorious
every shade of chestnut
auburn
mahogany

Must be a queen as I swooped down
to get a better look

It was a brilliant coat
the most well thought out colors
the home like a masterpiece
with carefully chosen
reds yellows gold and silver

The queen granted me stay
at the beautiful castle basket
Her mate was dark
he did not have the same luster as her

He tried his best to shine and prime
to look more then what he was really

over her head he kept three small stones
As I dwelt there
always wondering what they were



One day I found my Queen (as I came to know her)
crying
this was strange she was a quiet
and guarded beauty
I caught her staring at the stones

"What is a matter my dearest Queen?" I said
She would not answer.
Those stones used to make me so mad
I would yell at them while she was under them
It made me frustrated and confused
they were the only things that had the power
to truly weigh down on my Queen
making her upset.

I finally knew.
Another day later
I saw him
He added more to the stones
He shouted more things he never meant
making himself more ugly then he was.
As he did this he added weight
to the stones
that would bare down
over the Queen

I cried for days
I thought my heart would not recover
I had to leave but
I could not leave her

I told her about the stones
but she knew all
He on the other hand was blind to them.
He thought the more he added the more he
looked beautiful.
I tried to talk to him
But ended up yelling at the stones also
She was the only one strong enough to take them down

But her heart was too weak

I left.
Fearing I would put more on her
crushing her completely
Every day the beautiful sound grew louder
the yearning to be near it became over powering
I flew on
feeling useless
and unable to do anything
for the most beautiful ones that I loved.

You will never know the secret
underneath my skin
I try to show
what was
What could have been


I never had this before



courage



Now I try to light the streets
My best is not enough
giving up
giving in
are not options
comfortable
easy
as hateful as shame

Still water

You frozen
in the eye
of the mind
haunt me daily
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////I uncovered you
naked
but you
never asked
for a blanket

your face

I have bags and bags full
This debt I will never pay off
Not with you ever
till time makes the stink go away
yet never changing your memory

Some people realize and have given up
I tried so hard to make things right
But you stay frozen in a time that used to be
a time we sat upon
acting like there was no end
no questions asked

Now I wish I could take it back
Not so that it never was
but so that it was never
what it should have never been

I made you say things you never meant
I made you do things you wanted to
the flame of desire drew me on
and didn't stop until reason prevailed

I used to spend each waking moment
worrying
now it is your turn
to worry about yourself

As I kiss the cold lips of your memory
I hope it is the last time
stop haunting me
let go of me
I let go of you
yet draging your face everywhere

Seasons

We all get stung
by the eternal noonday sun
eyes dried out
sockets left bare
spending our waking hours
in the darkness

It was then I completed true love
I did what was best
ceased to kiss your skin
left my memories
awakened the fear of lonely dreams
left your hand bare

Now shaking
on shifting ground I carry on
I wonder if a new heart
can take this weary load

New hearts
determined to plant pleasant dreams
I await all of our seasons
to test our fields worthy
for the rays of shining sun
watching the rain
sending tiny messages of good will
I anticipating to see what grows
wondering if the rain does fall
not measuring where it lands
day in and day out
hoping I was not too late
thinking on all the wasted hours
Thinking of your heart
striving to make it at home with mine
I want to be alive
everything to be real
not perfect
to be awake

I long for your eyes to be open
met by every shade
of imperfection and imperfection
to do what I can
and maybe
if I am allowed
to go beyond what I can

To take that chance
waiting
for in the
Summer
Spring
Winter
to see the harvest
of the Golden Fall

and in that Fall
together

times

I can't force my self
but another force takes over
everything I've ever wanted becomes

I try to conceal the line
I try not to feel

but it's like my second nature takes over
something deeper explains to me what's real

I get so scared
When I blurt my feelings out
I let them go before
and I lost everything
my whole self to another

and I'm still trying to find the pieces










and still you are ok with that.

The longest miles are in your heart
these are the roads that lead the longest
with out beginning or start

These are the fragile ships
that weather endless storms
but yet a single word
break the mast
turn the sailor's hearts

If our eye are together
then why are our bodies
so far from with in us

Why do we breath so hard?
Why do you think at all?
If the heart is a cold stone
If winter is where
you've made your home

Desperately I've tried
adding up my mistakes
to make the perfect sum

It was my duty to wait for you
My destiny to grow old
waiting for change


Like a faithful dog,
I was never to leave your dying side
when death was all you welcomed in life
When pain was your only drink
Depression the only food you'd eat

I was to stop my life
I was supposed to stoop down
Becoming better was becoming worse
I was meant to stay behind
and lose with you
to gain your time

But you never gained mine.