Living situation

Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do
I just really care

I think your ideas are great
Yes we should park our cars that way
and sure its a fabulous way
to clean the garbage disposal

I'm not trying to criticize
I just have a long pessimistic streak
Maybe I like to see things
from the wrong angle

I know you need to talk
but your time and my time
are not always the right times

Now I sit in my room
waiting for you to leave
I'm tired
It's a pain to be honest
to someone whose not honest with me

A summer day

I saw the sunrise break over the hills
Nothing was so beautiful
It turned into a bright summer day
As I sat pondering the deep blue
Something ran across the sky
I didn’t notice at first
Until the sunlight caught the brown
On the wing
He was different
Slender quick
Something in his eyes allured me
I flew as close to him as I could
He laughed at me for awhile
Then gently like a child asked
“Why don’t you come and join me
The sky is beautiful today
Your wings seem strong enough to sore”
“I would” I said frustrated
“See my bundle it is weighing me down”

“Just let it go”

There was an awkward pause.

“No, that’s alright I’ll just stay down here”
My eyes could not meet his anymore
He and I both knew

“What is it you are really looking for?”

The leaves from the trees were starting to change
It was my cue to change
I reasoned it out.
Someone who could say such things to me could not
Really want me around.

The beach

When the days grow cold and long
When my work seems never done

I will think back
to those glorious
sunny
warm
gentle
days.

The ones
we spend
lying next to each other
in the sand
Near the waves

Broken Heart

I heard the beat
it was louder
I could hear it clearer
away from those steal bars
where the beautiful white swallow lived

He was beautiful
but loved
cold hard steal
more then anything else


So I could not take him with me

I rested on a branch for awhile
wrestling with the thought of
going back
speaking sense in him
making him come with me
But I knew I could not
make him do what he did not wish
I could not drag him
His weight would crush my
heart

O, Beautiful creature
how I long to fly with you still
upon the golden sunset of anyday

His beat was so much different from
the one I heard

The one I heard called me in a different way
Like the ocean calling the rivers

I to choose
I picked the unseen
unknown
unfamiliar
I decided to go on
much slower
with less resolve
I Flew the highest I could
to get away from the memories
of those bars

Then I saw a flash
Glorious
every shade of chestnut
auburn
mahogany

Must be a queen as I swooped down
to get a better look

It was a brilliant coat
the most well thought out colors
the home like a masterpiece
with carefully chosen
reds yellows gold and silver

The queen granted me stay
at the beautiful castle basket
Her mate was dark
he did not have the same luster as her

He tried his best to shine and prime
to look more then what he was really

over her head he kept three small stones
As I dwelt there
always wondering what they were



One day I found my Queen (as I came to know her)
crying
this was strange she was a quiet
and guarded beauty
I caught her staring at the stones

"What is a matter my dearest Queen?" I said
She would not answer.
Those stones used to make me so mad
I would yell at them while she was under them
It made me frustrated and confused
they were the only things that had the power
to truly weigh down on my Queen
making her upset.

I finally knew.
Another day later
I saw him
He added more to the stones
He shouted more things he never meant
making himself more ugly then he was.
As he did this he added weight
to the stones
that would bare down
over the Queen

I cried for days
I thought my heart would not recover
I had to leave but
I could not leave her

I told her about the stones
but she knew all
He on the other hand was blind to them.
He thought the more he added the more he
looked beautiful.
I tried to talk to him
But ended up yelling at the stones also
She was the only one strong enough to take them down

But her heart was too weak

I left.
Fearing I would put more on her
crushing her completely
Every day the beautiful sound grew louder
the yearning to be near it became over powering
I flew on
feeling useless
and unable to do anything
for the most beautiful ones that I loved.

You will never know the secret
underneath my skin
I try to show
what was
What could have been


I never had this before



courage



Now I try to light the streets
My best is not enough
giving up
giving in
are not options
comfortable
easy
as hateful as shame

Still water

You frozen
in the eye
of the mind
haunt me daily
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////I uncovered you
naked
but you
never asked
for a blanket

your face

I have bags and bags full
This debt I will never pay off
Not with you ever
till time makes the stink go away
yet never changing your memory

Some people realize and have given up
I tried so hard to make things right
But you stay frozen in a time that used to be
a time we sat upon
acting like there was no end
no questions asked

Now I wish I could take it back
Not so that it never was
but so that it was never
what it should have never been

I made you say things you never meant
I made you do things you wanted to
the flame of desire drew me on
and didn't stop until reason prevailed

I used to spend each waking moment
worrying
now it is your turn
to worry about yourself

As I kiss the cold lips of your memory
I hope it is the last time
stop haunting me
let go of me
I let go of you
yet draging your face everywhere