Crap.

So I'm in my good friend from high school's wedding. Amandah Ortiz. I'm wearing Heals, doing my nails and getting my hair done. Very out of character for me. But I have decided to write about things that i haven't ever done. And not that I've never gotten my nails done or my hair but professionally BUT it has been awhile. I think its been at least four years for my hair and about ten for the nails. It seems even more contradictory because I have been lately reading about the life of Keith Green and musician during the Jesus movement and it makes me want to go hippie again. It also got me thinking about my music. I'm going to be recording soon thanks to Jer's mac but i just don't know where to take it. I don't want fame or a big break honestly maybe because i'm scared that i'm not good enough. I really want to do it for God through Him and to Him which is so hard because there are times where i know i sound so good. My pride is usually opposite so it scares me to slightly like what i do. I think though that I need to get it up to Him and ask Him to lead me. I mean I have these visions of playing on the streets in cities and parks with kids my age all around just listening. I'm scared though. Its always been hard for me to put myself out there with out music but i feel like i should shine Christ and draw men to Him not to me through my music.It's so hard because i know i have talent and i feel like i could go all the way and it like i said before makes me feel guilty. I realized something else and people are the most responsive when i'm closest to the Lord when i'm praying fasting and consumed in Him. HE wants the to be healed He wants to speak through them but HE wants to DO it.