Then the leaves changed

If I had one more chance
you could never forget

I would do everything
In my power to keep you

But then again
I did

Just when I knew for sure
It was over

I can do that

I do crazy amazing things for stress.I bite down on my jaw really hard and long.
SO much so that it makes my ears hurt.Sometimes I stay up all night with it. Sometimes I eat a whole bunch of ice cream.Other times I use people. That makes me feel like a bad person. Nights and day I spend time in it and with it. I think about it in the future I think about it in the past. It gets me so tired sometimes I feel exhausted and too tired to do any real work. I stop dreaming dreams and singing the songs in my heart. I realized that stress is no good for me. So I told it to leave. I don't want it in my life....I guess I can do that.

combustion

Every drop different
Like the breath of new life
Empty hidden meanings
ready to break

Dangerous looks from scuffing shoes
black lines all down the floor
Dam
ready to break

We can be no where
any where
somewhere
gone

Like a flash
you tired sleeves
dropping down lower and lower

All around everything is new
dead on the outside
living breathing stopping
laughing
choking
sighing
running

There is a forced smile
on the face of a girl
on the face of a boy

the girl changes into a broken plate
the boy into a rusted nail

Once they lived to see the sun rebirth
nothing can stop the madness
it depends on everything

Dream girl

I was The Perfect Piece
My perfect hair
my perfect teeth
eyes never saw underneath
O that ocean ever deep!

I Try to hold no blame
You were taught to think
every girl is every girl
essentially the same

Maybe side by side
I would a agree
Open your mind!
look at me!

Love

Everyone is in the mood.
I think about you so much these days.
I wonder if I'll find you.
I keep telling myself, telling the air, I will.
No matter what I will find you.
I found all the letters I wrote some hopeful others regretful.
I can't wait to meet you.
Or die with the idea of you in my heart.
I love love.
I love seeing it all around.
I love when people get married.
When babies are born.
Most of all I like when couples will plan stuff for the other person as a surprise.
I always think to myself someday I'll do that.
Someday it'll all make sense.
I hope this is not all way too crazy. I know you'll have both feet on the ground but I also hope there will be a strong romantic part of you that will understand all these crazy ideas in my head, and maybe, want to go along with them.
I imagine it.
It'll be like singing a song you only know part of the words to but then you find someone who only knows the other parts that you don't know. You'll pick up where I leave off.
You don't know me at all
but someday will you know me the best anyone ever has.
I sit here like a lonely tea cup.
I hope I don't scare you too much or try so much it smothers you.
I hope you understand my limitations and imperfections and can look past that to see the beauty that I feel is there. The beauty that is the best of me that I hope is real.
More than that I hope I am brave enough to do the same for you.
To try when I'm scare and to understand your gentleness.
For now I hold to you like the wind.

To even the scores

Still so sick. I can feel it in my throat and my ears.
I think maybe its judgment or maybe its just wrong priorities. I know its both.
Being so unfocused helps you choose bad decisions. I remember sitting in Providence thinking to myself that I had to go. Feeling the inside of my ears scrape each other. In my mind I was saying five more minutes. Now I know I made the wrong choice.

I realize to get any sort of love you have to be what that other person perceives you as. I tried and realized that no one really loves you unless there is some sort of gain, something in return. I was so foolish. I thought that people did nice things for each other out of the kindness of there hearts but this is not so. Our poor excuse for love in human terms is always untrue and at best, weak.

Though, I still believe real love can be found. It does not emanate with the heart, in feelings, but with the mind in reason. Purposeful love is the only kind that can survive. The first sounds of true love resound with, the will. Purposing to stick things through and love no matter what can only come from a mindful decision. If it is based on feelings, love will die before those who first saw it born breathed their last breath. True Love, will out live eternity.

I knew

I thought I saw Love
Yes I could tell the face
I saw it pass me by

I thought I had Hope
Yes I held the sunrise
I would watch it grow dark


I thought I knew You
Yes I could touch inside
I never came too close

I Knew I felt something
Yes I then felt the cold
I let winter take my heart