Lather, rinse, repeat

Scared to move

Grieve

Dry your tears out

Then move

feel

Know things deeper

Thread a needle

looks through its eye

know yourself

less

is more

Stop believing

never to

believe




How your love has come into my heart
I'll never know but I embrace it

Empty Hands

Life is too impossible Night is the only companion thinking wondering dreading Going places to see how machines live to see what shadows feel to confirm all fears Will the light break? Will the dawn come? I'm washed by goodness. Walking the park you whisper you love me Your words fade lighting the setting sun and like that sun you are always there Some mistakes can be removed others blotted out and the most overwhelming can be remade How is it you came to me? Knowing me to my very depths How did you determine my heart Confirm to me the things I knew so long ago when life was fresh and new How do you love me? so broken so incomplete

New place and the discovery

I felt different now. The shine in my coat was coming back and I gained some weight. I was near the water. In the mornings I would awaken myself to the half risen sun. Looking for worms to eat I would stay near my new home near the water. Everything was still in that place. Every now and then I would hear rustlings in the brush nearby. I wondered what was in there. It felt fierce. Like red hot eyes were looking but these eyes were ever with me not unlike the many other gazes I felt. It was only at times that some felt closer than others. My mind finally settled I stopped replaying bitter cold memories and began to form new ones with the lake and my neighbors. I began to find others that I could talk to in the mornings and I felt a shift. A slight change that played out dramatically in my head. I felt the exposure of love and loving. My friends as I learned to call them by name would release small things to me at first then as I came to know them even greater things. Like slowly being trusted with keys to the city. I felt the same thing happening with our roles in reverse. We would sore on and on. Growing more and more. It was real because it was mutual. We would stare at the lake together. At first it was our reflections only, then we learned to look past ourselves. We would sit for hours at a time tracing the outline learning about the height depth and length. We knew much but were cautious to talk hurriedly about our knowledge. We had to sit quietly and patiently and learn and gather and store. Finally we were brave enough to say it, love lived at the bottom of the lake.

Self taught flight

The air was warm.
It was thick with that sweet summer smell.
Like thousands of trees and flowers waking up from a long sleep.
Night was about to set it.
It was thick enough to send off an odor.
As my wings moved up and down in the setting sun I remembered that the air smelt like last summer.
In an instance, the essence of the summer was born again.
It was dark, so very dark.
I remembered most imagining things that I wanted,
a spot near the lake,
but so many other birds.
So many other birds.
I had barely made it through winter because of so many others.
Yet, as My wings stroked the night I felt something nagging my mind.
It was the sad realizations. The bitter memories I had made my home in through out the winter hoping my burst of anger would keep me warm.
It did but not with out the red hot flame burning all the love I had inside.
I had be circling.
I knew the truth now.
It was up to me to decide.
I could keep going the way I was and maybe, eventually I would get to that home by the lake where the sun seemed to linger an extra golden hour or so.
I knew if I kept going I would not be met with a hot flame that would light a forest on fire but something different. A big grey feeling called stale.
Stale was when the food looked the same felt the same but had the smell and taste of old. Stale could only be perceived in your mouth. Any thing with that grey hopeless feeling was sent away if the finder was wise. Some of the discoverers of stale did not perceive it's power so they left it alone only unknowingly to take over more then the original object.
That's where she was ragged, grey. Her bulging eyes watched me keenly. When I found the source she was frighten. Her wide eyes became larger. The smell had covered the sun set and rise only sometimes could the sun get through. All of her visitors stopped coming. I found the source. I lifted it from it unassuming place. She let out a defensive sound and in a instance she was there feathers up and ready.
"I just want this moved" I said.
"Oh" then a pause, "But you can't, it can't be moved."
I went to its place and placed in in my mouth then raised my head. Now we were eye level.
She gave me a fierce look yet, it seemed soft and hurt at the same instance like different colors radiating from a diamond.
"You need to leave" she screamed.
But I stayed unmoved.
"LEAVE ME NOW" She screeched.
In an instance the bird moved around swiftly moving the fog.
It took it away.
All I was left with was a broken mirror.
A tear fell on my reflection, it was a skinny brown bird with bulging eyes.

We talk of courage thinking, we are one singular being. Maybe equating courage with independence. Thinking courage but acting in perfection, never doing wrong by anyone or any thing. Really courage is a voice to truth. It is voicing what we know either deep down or at the moment to be true. Courage is the action of reaching out. Letting others know not only your abilities but also your limits. It is the best of you being discovered in others by admitting your worst to them. Excepting the fact that people are not the same and working through their issues with them while still working with yours. Courage is keeping your head up and being prepared for all hell to break lose. And when hell is on the lose to remember heaven and to still believe in it. It is to love despite the unknown, to move on despite the past. Courage is the heart behind the movement of putting that first foot forward. I'm learning these valuable lessons. Don't forget this brain.

To cut

I want to cut all my hair
I want to shave it off
But I fear the risks
being mistaken for a boy
cow licks
friend's disapproval

But worst of all:
it is winter and
my head being cold

New material

I could not see
for you were
blocking the view
Eventually I saw
what I was looking for






I stopped to care
then had no time to stop at all








Love is real
You could not contain it

My heart was true
even if you try to blame it

My tears I have stopped
So as not to profane it